my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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