I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
