I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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