He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
