The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
