Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
