when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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