There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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