Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize