dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
