so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
