I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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