I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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