he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
