Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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