Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
