Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
