so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
