I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
