i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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