Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
