What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
