Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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