nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
