there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
