I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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