I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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