I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
