I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
