What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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