ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
