That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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