Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize