nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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