Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
