R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
