i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
