this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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