hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
