drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
