Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
