Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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