When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
