Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
