I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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