Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
