I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize