just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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