its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
