just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
