I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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