just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize