are you so shy because you have an std?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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