Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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