He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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