whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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