I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
