he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
