TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
