I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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