I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
