I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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