It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
