4 words: hood of his car
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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