can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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