Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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