well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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