The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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