rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
